The Hobo Rebellion, or, What I Would Do In the US of A With Too Much Time on My Hands

If I had lots of free time, and was living in the US, I would establish a secret underground society of hobos. After all, there's a lot of them, they're all pretty much crazy and will believe whatever you say, and working together they would eat better and be safer, plus get a feeling of belonging, so assuming they aren't too loony, they'll probably join. Anyways, I would convince them all that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' baby is the anti-christ. By this point the organization would be nationwide and would have organized a covert intelligence operation. I would use this to find out where tommy boy is birthing his spawn. Then I would organize a giant hobo revolt. They would bum rush the hospital, and start yelling all sorts of strange obscenities, take the baby, and yell strange things at it, like "Vaginas will bite your dick off," or, "Satan enjoys a refreshing game of badminton" (Of course, I would tell the hobos that these were secret code-phrases that would exorcise the anti-christ from the child). Then, I would have the hobos draw a pentagram on the ground and put the baby in the center with candles all around. Then we would scatter into the darkness (like ninjas)!!!
What's the point you may ask? Well, I'm about to tell you, stupid, so shut up while I reveal the meaning of my master plan. Tom Cruise's idiot "religion" told him that you have to be COMPLETELY silent while giving birth and in the first few minutes of birth, or else the baby will remember whatever is said and associate it with childbirth, and that will somehow allow evil spirits to get in...riiiight. SO, if the Hobo Resistance Army says a bunch of wierd shit to the baby as soon as it gets out, and then he grows up normal (albiet a spoiled little shit, since he's the son of Tom Cruise), maybe THEN Tom Cruise will realize Scientology is for MORONS.

P.S. Hobo-ninjas would be AWESOME. Remind me to do that too.