Before this semester began I established a list of goals, 5 in total. High on the list was getting over a 3.0 GPA while passing all 6 of my classes. I am proud to announce that this goal was completed! Here are the results:
Environment & Development in Latin America B+
ORIGINS of the MODERN WORLD, 1600 to the PRESENT A
The Spanish Civil War C+
Value, Mind and God B
Latin American Testimony B+
Advanced Spanish Composition Workshop B+
I also met a couple of my other goals, including cooking for myself 4 times a week (I usually did this more than that), playing guitar at least once a week, and some other lovely stuff. I look forward to completing this summer's goals, which include:
-Get a job and earn $3,200.
-Get a driver's license (finally!).
-Create and follow a summer exercise regimen.
-Continue cooking for one's self.
-Continue playing guitar at least once a week.
-Continue writing in my books, as well as writing my books.
To a productive summer!
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
The Art of Persuasion, Part I
I'm thinking about blogging about how to persuade people. I'll post random tidbits that highlight some psychological principle, and explain how it relates to getting people to do what you want. Finally, I'll give an example of how the government has recently used these techniques to manipulate the American public. The purpose of doing so is not only to highlight the manipulative nature of American society, but also because I believe by bringing these principles to your attention, it allows you to become self-empowered in a responsible way, by allowing you to recognize these techniques when people attempt to apply them to you, as well as allowing you to use them in a good way. With those goals in mind, let's get started.
Tip I: Rapport
What is Rapport?
The textbook definition: "a relationship of mutual understanding or trust and agreement between people." More specifically, rapport is a sense of belonging, a sense of being "in on it," coupled with the belief that the mutual world that two (or more) people are sharing is true and real, usually as well as an expectation that said sense of belonging comes with certain priviledges (and, often overlooked, responsibilities). Ever been on a date that just "flowed," both of you "clicked," and there was a lot of "chemistry?" That's romantic rapport. I can remember dates where the next morning I couldn't remember for the life of me how in the hell I got from point A to point B; that's because I was in rapport, so everything came naturally without having to think about it.
So, in order to establish rapport, you must give the other party the sense that there is some sort of deep understanding between you two. After this is established, it is possible to very subtly guide the symbiotic nature of te relationship towards your objective. Unless you are extremely perceptive, emotionally detached, and a great actor, it is very difficult to establish rapport with someone without getting into a sense of rapport with them yourself. This is because rapport to a large extent is based on body language, which is outside the conscious control of most people. Those who are extremely perceptive, emotionally detached, and great actors, are usually psychopaths, in the clinical sense of the word. They also make excellent con-men. The charming man who comes into the widow's life like a beam of light, and then makes off with her fortune at sundown, is a master of building rapport--in the other person--while feeling nothing for the other person at the same time.
This leads me to make an important distinction. Rapport can be established on a conscious level by a manipulative mastermind, or it can be established on an unconscious level. The problem is that establishing rapport on an unconscious level is pretty hit-or-miss for most people, because people have to naturally have the same body language, interests, values, etc., for that to occur, and the odds are usually against that. So it appears that in persuading people, we are left with two rather unappealing options: firstly, to be manipulative without becoming attached (great for politicians), or hoping to randomly get the "luck of the draw." There is, however, a third option: if you are open enough, and desire to enter rapport with someone, you can generally do so without being manipulative through "empathy." Figure out what drives another person, what excites them, what makes them happy, how they communicate, how they sit, what their attitude towards life is, etc., and then communicate that to them. This can get very, very, complicated if broken down into detail, which I'll be saving for the advanced class, but the main point is this: develop your sense of empathy and use that to develop that sense of empathy with others by putting yourself in their shoes. I getting along with hard-core conservative mormons, astrology fanatics, crazies on the streets of Santa Cruz, your parents, etc., because I am open to understanding their perspective and respecting it, even if it differs from my own. It's all about compassion.
How to screw up rapport? Break that shared sense of reality; or worse, renig on their expectations; or worse, break that sense of trust. Breaking that shared sense of reality would be, for example, when you and your girl and some friends are hanging out, if you were to ignore her for the most part and chat with your friends all night. You have chose the rapport of your buddies over the rapport of your girl, thus damaging your rapport with your girl; conversely, had you stuck to your girlfriend and ignored your friends all night, you would have damaged your rapport with your friends. Going back on shared expectations would be when a marriend couple starts to fight because the husband isn't cleaning the lawn like it was originally agreed on when they got married. This one's a slow killer. If the expectations don't change, or the completion of the expectations doesn't change for the better, this one will poison rapport. Finally, cheating on someone (in the context of a closed relationship) would be a strong break of trust.
Another way not related to the definition of the word of destroying rapport that is quite common is thinking about it too much. If you overanalyze everything you do and say, you are likely to come off as disjointed, and this will kill any chance you might have had of landing that job at the interview. In fact, it would be better to saying anything, but say it comfortably and confidently, than try and figure out what the right answer would be and stutter over it, because then you just come off as false (you are). People will respond more positively to a person who is calm, comfortable, and confident, than they will to a person who may technically be right, but doesn't have charisma. Since women are social creatures, they tend to have a more highly tuned sense of subtlety, and can play it cool while analyzing a statement on multiple levels to get meaning out of it. This creates a problem with communication between men and women, since often women will overanalyze the crap out of what a guy says, when in reality, the only intended message was the obvious one, since men on the whole are not socially evolved enough to understand, much less pick up on, subtext. So, to review: have empathy, don't think too much, act comfortably, and be socially aware. If you can do this, you are more likely to establish rapport, which will in turn make someone more sympathetic to being persuaded.
That's my analysis of the definition of rapport; even more interesting, however, is the origin of the word: ""reference, relationship," from Fr. rapport, back-formation from rapporter "bring back," from re- "again" + apporter "to bring," from L. apportare "to bring," from ad- "to" + portare "to carry" (see port (1)). Psychological meaning: "intense harmonious accord," as between therapist and patient, is first attested 1894, though the word had been used in a very similar sense with ref. to mesmerism from 1845 (first recorded in E.A. Poe)."
For those unfamiliar with Shannon's model of communication, used widely in pretty much all intro communications courses, go study it here. The example sucks, because it makes it sound like encoder, decoder, and noise are all supposed to be technological, but more often than not, they are human elements. The encoding of information is usually the words chosen, the channel is they way the info is presented: verbally, through IM, mailed letter, etc., and the decoding is the other person's interpretation fo the intended message. Noise is any interference in the transmission of the message. On IM, noise could be a dropped internet signal; during a speech it could be a squeaky fan in the auditorium. So, based on this model, which words you choose to use, how much noise gets in the way, and whether or not the other person interprets your message the way you intended, all affect the level of communication.
To get back to the etymology of the word, it comes from the french meaning "to carry back." This applies to the model of communication, except that this model is missing the "carrying back" phase. Here's the model with this all-important phase: feedback. Look at figure 5 (and 6) on that page. To carry back the message=feedback=basis of rapport. Rapport is only established through, as the textbook definition explains, "a relationship of mutual understanding". So when you give feedback, assuring the other person that you understand what they are saying, you are creating rapport. When rapport works well, it is a fluid, ongoing process of clear communication, leading to feedback, leading to further communication, ad infinitum. This is why people sometimes feel like they are talking to a brick wall: there is no feedback. If you have empathy, and are not thinking to hard, you should be naturally creating positive feedback and continuing the communication stream.
The other fascination part of the definition is the psychological part saying it comes from mesmerism. For those who don't know, mesmerism was an early name for hypnotism. I will be covering hypnotism as a hypnotic technique in another tip, but for now, suffice to say that I can attest from personal experience that the fluid, focused state of communication going on in rapport is very, very much like hypnotism. Remember when I said I couldn't remember how I got from point A to B on some dates, much less remember what exactly we talked about during those dates? That sense of amnesia is very common in deep levels of trance. So if you know a thing or two about hypnotism, you will also know something about rapport, and vice-versa.
Finally, I said I woould give an example of rapport being used in the real world. Immediately after September 11th, the nation experieced feelings of rapport with the victims, as well as with the national community. How did this feeling of rapport make persuasion of the populace easier? Bush used the tragedy to justify a never-ending war on terror, which under normal circumstances would have been met with much more skepticism. But in their post-9/11 state, people were in a sense of rapport with the victims, and Bush used the technique of the next tip, Association, in order to channel those feelings of rapport into support for a never-ending war on a concept, an end which, in the eyes of the majority of a still-hurting american public, still justifies its terrible means of violence and bloodshed. I leave you with this to think about: do you think this so-called rapport between the current administration and the populace is based on true empathy, or cold manipulation?
Tip I: Rapport
What is Rapport?
The textbook definition: "a relationship of mutual understanding or trust and agreement between people." More specifically, rapport is a sense of belonging, a sense of being "in on it," coupled with the belief that the mutual world that two (or more) people are sharing is true and real, usually as well as an expectation that said sense of belonging comes with certain priviledges (and, often overlooked, responsibilities). Ever been on a date that just "flowed," both of you "clicked," and there was a lot of "chemistry?" That's romantic rapport. I can remember dates where the next morning I couldn't remember for the life of me how in the hell I got from point A to point B; that's because I was in rapport, so everything came naturally without having to think about it.
So, in order to establish rapport, you must give the other party the sense that there is some sort of deep understanding between you two. After this is established, it is possible to very subtly guide the symbiotic nature of te relationship towards your objective. Unless you are extremely perceptive, emotionally detached, and a great actor, it is very difficult to establish rapport with someone without getting into a sense of rapport with them yourself. This is because rapport to a large extent is based on body language, which is outside the conscious control of most people. Those who are extremely perceptive, emotionally detached, and great actors, are usually psychopaths, in the clinical sense of the word. They also make excellent con-men. The charming man who comes into the widow's life like a beam of light, and then makes off with her fortune at sundown, is a master of building rapport--in the other person--while feeling nothing for the other person at the same time.
This leads me to make an important distinction. Rapport can be established on a conscious level by a manipulative mastermind, or it can be established on an unconscious level. The problem is that establishing rapport on an unconscious level is pretty hit-or-miss for most people, because people have to naturally have the same body language, interests, values, etc., for that to occur, and the odds are usually against that. So it appears that in persuading people, we are left with two rather unappealing options: firstly, to be manipulative without becoming attached (great for politicians), or hoping to randomly get the "luck of the draw." There is, however, a third option: if you are open enough, and desire to enter rapport with someone, you can generally do so without being manipulative through "empathy." Figure out what drives another person, what excites them, what makes them happy, how they communicate, how they sit, what their attitude towards life is, etc., and then communicate that to them. This can get very, very, complicated if broken down into detail, which I'll be saving for the advanced class, but the main point is this: develop your sense of empathy and use that to develop that sense of empathy with others by putting yourself in their shoes. I getting along with hard-core conservative mormons, astrology fanatics, crazies on the streets of Santa Cruz, your parents, etc., because I am open to understanding their perspective and respecting it, even if it differs from my own. It's all about compassion.
How to screw up rapport? Break that shared sense of reality; or worse, renig on their expectations; or worse, break that sense of trust. Breaking that shared sense of reality would be, for example, when you and your girl and some friends are hanging out, if you were to ignore her for the most part and chat with your friends all night. You have chose the rapport of your buddies over the rapport of your girl, thus damaging your rapport with your girl; conversely, had you stuck to your girlfriend and ignored your friends all night, you would have damaged your rapport with your friends. Going back on shared expectations would be when a marriend couple starts to fight because the husband isn't cleaning the lawn like it was originally agreed on when they got married. This one's a slow killer. If the expectations don't change, or the completion of the expectations doesn't change for the better, this one will poison rapport. Finally, cheating on someone (in the context of a closed relationship) would be a strong break of trust.
Another way not related to the definition of the word of destroying rapport that is quite common is thinking about it too much. If you overanalyze everything you do and say, you are likely to come off as disjointed, and this will kill any chance you might have had of landing that job at the interview. In fact, it would be better to saying anything, but say it comfortably and confidently, than try and figure out what the right answer would be and stutter over it, because then you just come off as false (you are). People will respond more positively to a person who is calm, comfortable, and confident, than they will to a person who may technically be right, but doesn't have charisma. Since women are social creatures, they tend to have a more highly tuned sense of subtlety, and can play it cool while analyzing a statement on multiple levels to get meaning out of it. This creates a problem with communication between men and women, since often women will overanalyze the crap out of what a guy says, when in reality, the only intended message was the obvious one, since men on the whole are not socially evolved enough to understand, much less pick up on, subtext. So, to review: have empathy, don't think too much, act comfortably, and be socially aware. If you can do this, you are more likely to establish rapport, which will in turn make someone more sympathetic to being persuaded.
That's my analysis of the definition of rapport; even more interesting, however, is the origin of the word: ""reference, relationship," from Fr. rapport, back-formation from rapporter "bring back," from re- "again" + apporter "to bring," from L. apportare "to bring," from ad- "to" + portare "to carry" (see port (1)). Psychological meaning: "intense harmonious accord," as between therapist and patient, is first attested 1894, though the word had been used in a very similar sense with ref. to mesmerism from 1845 (first recorded in E.A. Poe)."
For those unfamiliar with Shannon's model of communication, used widely in pretty much all intro communications courses, go study it here. The example sucks, because it makes it sound like encoder, decoder, and noise are all supposed to be technological, but more often than not, they are human elements. The encoding of information is usually the words chosen, the channel is they way the info is presented: verbally, through IM, mailed letter, etc., and the decoding is the other person's interpretation fo the intended message. Noise is any interference in the transmission of the message. On IM, noise could be a dropped internet signal; during a speech it could be a squeaky fan in the auditorium. So, based on this model, which words you choose to use, how much noise gets in the way, and whether or not the other person interprets your message the way you intended, all affect the level of communication.
To get back to the etymology of the word, it comes from the french meaning "to carry back." This applies to the model of communication, except that this model is missing the "carrying back" phase. Here's the model with this all-important phase: feedback. Look at figure 5 (and 6) on that page. To carry back the message=feedback=basis of rapport. Rapport is only established through, as the textbook definition explains, "a relationship of mutual understanding". So when you give feedback, assuring the other person that you understand what they are saying, you are creating rapport. When rapport works well, it is a fluid, ongoing process of clear communication, leading to feedback, leading to further communication, ad infinitum. This is why people sometimes feel like they are talking to a brick wall: there is no feedback. If you have empathy, and are not thinking to hard, you should be naturally creating positive feedback and continuing the communication stream.
The other fascination part of the definition is the psychological part saying it comes from mesmerism. For those who don't know, mesmerism was an early name for hypnotism. I will be covering hypnotism as a hypnotic technique in another tip, but for now, suffice to say that I can attest from personal experience that the fluid, focused state of communication going on in rapport is very, very much like hypnotism. Remember when I said I couldn't remember how I got from point A to B on some dates, much less remember what exactly we talked about during those dates? That sense of amnesia is very common in deep levels of trance. So if you know a thing or two about hypnotism, you will also know something about rapport, and vice-versa.
Finally, I said I woould give an example of rapport being used in the real world. Immediately after September 11th, the nation experieced feelings of rapport with the victims, as well as with the national community. How did this feeling of rapport make persuasion of the populace easier? Bush used the tragedy to justify a never-ending war on terror, which under normal circumstances would have been met with much more skepticism. But in their post-9/11 state, people were in a sense of rapport with the victims, and Bush used the technique of the next tip, Association, in order to channel those feelings of rapport into support for a never-ending war on a concept, an end which, in the eyes of the majority of a still-hurting american public, still justifies its terrible means of violence and bloodshed. I leave you with this to think about: do you think this so-called rapport between the current administration and the populace is based on true empathy, or cold manipulation?
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